Do I light your fire? – By Pinky

Here’s the latest from Pinky, who’s going to be a semi-regular contributor!

Valentine’s Day was last weekend. A day to to show your love and appreciation for that special someone. It is hard to forget Valentine’s Day what with all the commercialisation of it (chocolates, roses, 2 for 1 deals, the colour red is everywhere); but it is easy to forget to show the love and respect for one particular special person: You.

heart candle

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Have Some Patience

Learning Spanish in a foreign country has had some unexpected consequences. I feel as if my social skills have regressed by about ten years. Sentences and questions I know perfectly well how to say turn into a jumble of ums, stuttered words and avoiding eye contact.

Strangers have become scary and intimidating again, even though it has nothing to do with the people themselves. It’s just my old, awkward self coming back to stir up trouble, saying that no one likes me and I’m bothering people if I try to talk to them. It’s frustrating.

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A couple of days ago, I received some timely advice in the form of Mark Manson’s latest post, Shut Up and Be Patient. It reminded me that big changes take a long time. If I have some patience and keep practicing, I’ll feel more comfortable speaking in Spanish.

If you’re working on any major life changes, his article is worth a read. Or if you like Titanic references, it has that too. A word of warning: his writing style can be crass, but he has many compelling posts on self-improvement, relationships and life in general. 

A Little Experiment: Reality Checking My Critical Thoughts

“No guy would ever date a girl with thighs as huge as mine.” I realize the ridiculousness of this statement when I see it written down, but I’m guilty of this and many other equally preposterous thoughts. I bet I’m not the only one. Some days, I’m convinced I have some specific flaw that is repelling all guys. Even though my logical side knows it’s not true, emotionally, it’s hard to convince myself otherwise. To gain some perspective, I took an objective look at this reoccurring thought. I split it into two hypotheses to investigate:

  1. My thighs are bigger than anyone else’s.
  2. Women with large thighs are not in relationships.

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You’re Not Alone

I used to feel incredibly embarrassed, even ashamed, about my lack of experience with guys. I would keep quiet when friends talked about their relationships for fear they would ask about mine and find out the truth. It wasn’t just mildly embarrassing, it was crippling. It felt like some shameful secret that I didn’t want anyone to ever find out about. It may seem like an exaggeration, but this really is how I felt.

One key thing that helped me get past this feeling was realizing there were other people like me.

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