After the first date with Amar, I knew I didn’t want to take things any further. He was a decent guy, but his main interests seemed to be spending time on his computer or going out partying, which didn’t feel like a good fit for me. He was clearly still interested and texted me a few times. Rather than tell him how I felt, I just ignored his texts, leaving him to get the hint. I believe they call this technique the ‘fade out’ in dating jargon.
I like to hike and I go reasonably often with groups organized through Meetup.com. On one particular walk, I went with a group of about 12 different people. There were several guys about my age and I talked to most of them along the 3 hour walk. One was a tall Iranian who had recently moved here and was working on his Phd in English literature. Of all the people on the walk, I talked with him the most.
A few days later, I got a message from Amar*. We messaged back and forth a little bit and eventually arranged to meet for drinks after work one evening. I was looking forward to it since he was quite a nice guy and we seemed to have a lot in common.
It’s so easy to put off dating until later. It’s easier to assume you’ll get better at relationships as you get older and everything will magically work itself out. But in ten years, you might be kicking yourself for not trying harder now. The following exercises are designed to help you find motivation for dating now and focusing on improving your relationship skills now, rather than continuing to put it off.
I used to feel incredibly embarrassed, even ashamed, about my lack of experience with guys. I would keep quiet when friends talked about their relationships for fear they would ask about mine and find out the truth. It wasn’t just mildly embarrassing, it was crippling. It felt like some shameful secret that I didn’t want anyone to ever find out about. It may seem like an exaggeration, but this really is how I felt.
One key thing that helped me get past this feeling was realizing there were other people like me.