Good Reads – Part 1

 

1

Here’s a small collection of recommended posts and books for anyone who feels completely clueless in the world of dating or has never really dated.

Dating Advice #273 – Highly Inexperienced

A socially awkward 36-year-old man receives dating advice. For me, it was surprisingly inspiring and heartwarming.

Frustrated: A Dating Success Story

You might expect that a dating ‘success story’ must end in a happy relationship. This woman’s first-ever attempt at dating ends in frustration, but it’s a success story nonetheless.

I’ve Been Single For My Entire Life

Katie Heaney has never been on a date. She’s also refreshingly normal and an entertaining writer. If you enjoyed the article, you can read more in her light, humorous book Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date.

Inside the Mind of Guys who are Shy and Inexperienced with Women

A lot of this applies to women as well, at least it does for me. I read this article a couple years ago and it’s interesting to see the progress I’ve made.

Conscious Dating

I reviewed this book in one of my very first posts (here). Back then, I said that reading this book was the single most helpful step in transforming my outlook on dating. I still stand by that statement.

Crying

Robin Weis, the same girl who brought us 8 years of dating data, tracked her crying patterns for 589 days, rating them on a scale from ‘a tear or two’ to ‘I am a crumpled pile of flesh’. She cried on 216 of those days. And I thought cried a lot.

 Number of Cries Per Day

cry3

She categorized each cry into 8 general categories, shown in the graph below. The mound of purple life-related cries on the left side was largely during a 10 week trip to Europe. A large proportion of her cries were breakup and relationship related, which included finding out her boyfriend was married. Yep, that’s bound to cause some tears. Check out her full post here.

Categories of Cries Over Time

cry14

What I’ve found interesting

  • Relationships and breakups appear to cause a lot of negative emotions. It’d be interesting to see what a graph of positive emotions due to relationships would look like, though that would be harder to quantify. Crying generally has an obvious beginning and end, but how would you track your start of happy feelings and end of happy feelings as precisely?
  • Is travel-crying a thing? Robin mentions that almost 20% of her crying occurred while she was traveling solo. I had a similar experience recently when I was in South America. It can be particularly uncomfortable if you’re staying in a hostel and there’s nowhere private where you can just go and cry. Has anyone else experienced this?

As I’m taking my first steps into the world of online dating (I just signed up to OKCupid for the first time) it can be a little scary seeing the amount of angst relationships can cause. Might I be more comfortable staying safely single?

I hate to be yet another blog that touts the benefits of travel, but my experience with travel is relevant here. Even though I spent a lot of time being unhappy while traveling, overall it was a rewarding experience that enhanced my life and I’d do it again. As for dating, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

 

Dating Advice from Quiet Revolution

QuietBookCover.jpg

Quiet Revolution is a website started by Susan Cain, author of the bestseller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.

If the thought of meeting someone in a loud bar or going out clubbing sounds dreadful to you, you might like their articles on dating:

Dating While Introverted: What You Need to Know

Extroverts Sparkle, Introverts Glow: What You Bring to the Dating Game

Introvert-Friendly Tips, Tricks & Locales for the Dreaded First Date

An Introverts Guide to Breaking Up

Find Love By Embracing These Truths About Yourself

Enjoy!

How non-attachment changed my outlook on dating

In An Introduction to Non-Attachment I described the basic idea of non-attachment. As promised, here’s the (belated) follow-up.

Even after creating this blog, the idea of dating still weighed heavily on my shoulders. So much of my imagined future depended on the success of my attempts at dating. If I spent all this time and energy trying to find a long-term relationship and still failed, what would that say about me?

The possibility of trying and still failing was scarier than doing nothing, so that’s exactly what I ended up doing: nothing. I felt stuck.

stuck again

Continue reading