Today’s post is the very first guest post for this blog, written by my very good friend, who I’ll call Pinky. Enjoy!
Don’t be in a Rut, Get a Haircut
You know the feeling you get when you need a haircut but you never get around to making a (much needed) appointment? And your friends keep making subtle hints (friend: do you think I need a haircut?). This is how people sometimes try to tell you that you need to do something. They will transpose the issue on themselves and ask you for an opinion with the hope that you will think “hmm, my friend thinks about getting a haircut… Maybe I need one too?”. That’s friends – they want to help you see the problem but they don’t want to tell you what to do.
Now, parents are different. Like friends, they want to make you see the problem, but moreover, they want you to fix the problem ASAP or they will fix it for you. In my family, my dad would say: “You should get a haircut. I’ll pay for it”. My mom would say: “I made an appointment for you at the hairdresser on Friday afternoon”.
This is where you explode. This is your hair, your life. Why is everyone bossing you around? Why do they make such a big deal about something so small and insignificant?
You have a list of problems and getting a haircut is on the bottom of that list. How can your friends and parents worry about a stupid haircut when you have a presentation next week, your friend is breaking up with her boyfriend, you need to think of a nice way to decline an invitation but you don’t want to hurt your friend, you don’t like your job, you don’t have a boyfriend, you need to buy a house, you need to service your car but you have no money… The list goes on. You have all of that going on and yet everyone in your world is concerned about problem number 156: getting a haircut.
Meanwhile, your fringe gets into your eyes, your hair colour has faded, you have tons of split ends.
Lesson 1: Only change the status quo if you are unhappy
We all have an internal list of priorities. However, if we do not communicate that list to our external world (the people we surround ourselves with), we create an imbalance. This imbalance is uncomfortable, confusing and gets frustrating. We end up doing things, going to events, getting into relationships that do not match with our internal list. My family used to arrange Sunday lunches every week. It was my parents, my sister and her partner and myself.
Back then, my personal life was in shambles and all I did was complain and be negative around my family. It reached a point where they started to focus on the good things and the exciting life of my sister.
Lesson 3: Take care of yourself – no one else should
I felt jealous. My internal list was not being discussed. How can my family not care? (negative perspective of others); I am such a selfish person for feeling jealous (negative perspective on yourself). It took me years (I’m not exaggerating) to review my own problems, and understand my perception and thoughts.
Lesson 4: Say “no” so that you can say “yes”
It was very hard to tell my parents “I cannot come over because I would rather be alone. I am uncomfortable in my skin.” It was hard, but it felt good to be true to myself. I made the decision, I listened to myself, I ticked off some of my inner list. My thoughts were telling me “you are not comfortable” and for once, I listened to them. I said “I will respect you, and we will do something to make you comfortable”.
My life is definitely on track now, and I am a joy to be around. But I also know and exercise my comfort. If I don’t want to be somewhere or hangout with someone, then I don’t. I might arrange to see the person or do the activity in other circumstances that are good for me and I am comfortable in.
Life is what you make of it: Listen to yourself. Make your own decisions. Ask for help when you truly need it. And when it’s time…. get that haircut.